So, with the aid of my sister, I've finally decided, on my own, that it's time for a lifestyle change. diets are viewed as a quick, temporary fix. This is not what I'm after. By this time next year I want to be OK with having salad for lunch almost every day and not feel so proud when I drive past the drive-thru while running errands on my lunch at work and not order something. I've started a food journal, i wear a pedometer every day, and I try to make it to the gym 4-5 days a week.
these ambitions aren't with out some extreme challenges, I might add. This weekend was probably more challenging than thanksgiving would be, but a little less than Balbiani Family Fun Day (a huge party with Frank's God parents where all you do is eat all day) will be this coming Sunday. I watched as my family and friends enjoyed fried artichoke hearts and zucchini, huge bowls of polenta topped with sauce and cheese, sfingis (Italian donuts), sausage sandwiches and ravioli. I, on the other hand enjoyed half a sausage link and some peppers (no bun) for lunch on Saturday, followed by a grilled eggplant and pesto sandwhich for dinner, minus half the bun. Sunday, I got smarter. I had breakfast at home and brought a snack with me. But by 2pm I was hungry. so I ordered tri-tip with pesto and tomato, and ate half of it, sans bread. Sunday night, in the comfort of my mother's home, I watched as my family ate 2-3 helpings of pasta with homemade sauce and bread and butter, while I ate a 5 oz piece of baked salmon, green salad, and some roasted squash. Good grief, what am I doing?!
I've been known to make some of the best Hollandaise sauce in my family (thanks Betty Crocker!), so I've been promising Frank I'd make him eggs benedict. Well, I've been eating lots of egg whites and saving the yolks, so last night I caved and made frank eggs benedict. I, on the other hand, enjoyed a 110 calorie bagel-thin topped with a small piece of lean ham steak and egg whites scrambled with mushrooms, and a few roasted potatoes. This batch of Hollandaise sauce was probably some of the best I've ever made, so I'm glad he enjoyed it, with out me. while I watch. haha!
So what's it all for? During a recent visit to the doctor, I was informed that I have some all too common syndrome called PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome). It's a catch 22, really. It can cause obesity and troubles losing weight, along with excess and dark facial hair and moderate to sever cystic acne. Not to mention ovarian cysts and troubles with fertility. But, it can also be cause by obesity. So which is it? Do i have it because I'm fat, or am I fat because I have it? We don't know. All I know is I have to be healthier if I want to treat it and have the symptoms fade. I don't know if it will ever go away, but it's being treated.
For the last 7 years I've toyed with the idea of getting more fit, back to the high school water polo player I was 10 years ago. But pot was my only drug of choice and Jack in the Box is open for an extreme sausage sandwich at 2:30 in the morning. So I smoked and ate and didn't care. I don't partake in fat talk. I've never stood in the mirror and picked out every flaw, I've never complained about being over-weight and I've said "I don't know how I got like this." Oh no! I'm well aware of how I got fat, and I'm finally ready to deal with it.
Best thing is, I'm not setting weight loss goals. I'm setting fitness goals. I want to do at least 5 burpees with ease by my birthday (don't know what it is? look it up. they're intense!) I want to RUN the willow glen 5K next May. I want to be as strong as I was when playing a whole water polo game wasn't THAT hard.
So follow me, cheer me on. Lord knows I need it!
Absolutely,
The Lady
Excellent post. Love it.
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